so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i've created a new STD.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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