Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
