So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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