do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
