It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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