If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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