It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
