Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize