go do what you do best...puke behind churches
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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