no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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