our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
