No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
