She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
