My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
