ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
