The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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