I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
