I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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