I could make wine with my vomit
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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