I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
