Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize