She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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