I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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