I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
