I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
