Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
