I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
