You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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