On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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