She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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