she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
