I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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