super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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