well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
