So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
