I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
