You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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