Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
