Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
