Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
