would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
