Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
