Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
