his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
