This girl is more easily done than said...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
