just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
