I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
