So drunk its hurt
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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