i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
