I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
