I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
