we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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