This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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