i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
