We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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