My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
