dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
