i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
