You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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