His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
