So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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