We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sext me about skeletons
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
