If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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