you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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