I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
