My room smells like vodka and shame
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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