I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
