No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
